Growing up in an alcoholic household often leaves emotional scars that carry into adulthood, shaping how we connect with others. For Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs), the impact of early family dysfunction can manifest in patterns of distrust, fear of abandonment, or difficulty setting boundaries. However, breaking the cycle is not only possible—it’s empowering. By understanding these patterns and actively working to change them, you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Recognizing the Patterns
As an ACoA, you might notice recurring themes in your relationships. These could include:
- Difficulty Trusting Others: Growing up with inconsistent caregivers may have taught you to rely solely on yourself.
- Fear of Abandonment: The unpredictability of an alcoholic parent can create anxiety around being left or emotionally neglected.
- People-Pleasing Tendencies: You may prioritize others’ needs over your own to avoid conflict or rejection.
- Difficulty Setting Boundaries: If your boundaries were disregarded as a child, you may struggle to enforce them as an adult.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward building healthier connections.
Steps to Building Healthy Relationships
1. Develop Self-Awareness
Understanding how your upbringing shaped your relationship patterns is crucial. Journaling, mindfulness, or therapy can help you identify triggers and behaviors rooted in childhood experiences.
2. Learn to Trust Gradually
Trust is often a significant hurdle for ACoAs. Start by building small, safe connections with people who demonstrate consistency and reliability. Over time, you can expand your capacity for trust.
3. Set and Maintain Boundaries
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. Practice saying “no” without guilt and clearly communicate your needs. It’s okay if this feels uncomfortable at first—it’s a skill that improves with time.
4. Challenge Negative Core Beliefs
Many ACoAs carry beliefs like “I’m unlovable” or “People will always leave me.” Challenge these thoughts with evidence to the contrary, and remind yourself that healthy relationships are possible.
5. Focus on Communication
Clear and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Practice expressing your feelings without fear of judgment, and encourage your partner or loved ones to do the same.
6. Seek Support
Whether through therapy, support groups like Al-Anon, or coaching tailored for ACoAs, finding a supportive community can make all the difference in your journey.
The Role of Therapy in Breaking the Cycle
Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your past and develop healthier ways of relating to others. Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or emotionally focused therapy (EFT) are especially effective in addressing relational challenges for ACoAs.
Why Healthy Relationships Matter
Breaking free from the patterns shaped by an alcoholic parent is about more than just healing—it’s about thriving. Healthy relationships provide:
- Emotional Support: A safe space to be yourself.
- Personal Growth: Opportunities to learn and grow through mutual respect.
- Happiness: The joy of connection and intimacy.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re ready to explore how these roles affect your life and relationships, I offer one-on-one coaching specifically for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs). My coaching sessions are designed to help you uncover your patterns, heal, and thrive.
You can also check out my book for ACoAs, which dives deeper into these roles and provides actionable strategies for healing. Additionally, consider signing up for my online workshop to connect with others on a similar journey and gain tools to create the life you want.
Visit to learn more and get started today. Healing is within your reach!
Happy Healing,
Sofya Vass
Resources for adult children of alcoholics 
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